Claire Goodwin

Headache or Heartache?

2006-08-28T23:44:00.000-07:00

Seriously. What kind of man would get stupid drunk with a girl and still not make a move? Gay Nick Stampfer, that's who.

Several pints into the evening he did successfully recite backwards the royal secession from Elizabeth II to Alfred the Great, yet he didn't so much as kiss me on the cheek.

So why didn’t I just kiss him? I’m certainly not the prim old-fashioned girl who won’t make a move. And the sad answer must be I must not have wanted it on some core level. Because after five pints on an empty stomach, if I’d ever thought for a minute about wanting it it I would have gone for it.

As it was, I got no action and a hangover like I haven’t seen the likes of in ten years. So bad I took off work today – granted, not the best situation, considering the state of things there since the announcement last week, but oh well.

And so it was just this afternoon as I lay in bed staring at the cracks in the ceiling plaster that Stephen called me. I can’t account for why I picked up this time any more than I can account for why nothing happened last night with Nick.

"I miss you," he said. Followed by words I didn’t realize I’d been waiting for months to hear, together and in the right order.

"I am so sorry."

But remember the context, Claire. He only called once he found out about Julie and Alan. He’s getting some of his own and he deserves to wallow in it for a while. Remember Claire, he picked Julie over you.

Which begs the question, which is the better option? The man you can't trust anymore or the one who won't even touch you?

For those of you keeping score, monk-like chastity edges out infidelity by a nose. A tiny little cold wet mouse nose.

------------------------------------
Nine Rooms updates every Tuesday - Gina - Nick - Claire - Alan - Joey

Mon Dieu

2006-08-22T09:33:00.000-07:00

So the football match was...well okay, it was fantastic. I don’t know, Nick was SO much better! Maybe getting away from the responsibilities of the house is just what he needed (needs more of?...). It was like, that sparkle that I saw when we had dinner those weeks ago came back to the fore. He even dressed the part! (which makes me wonder, if he knows how to dress, which he clearly does, then doesn’t that mean he’s dressing intentionally bad the rest of the time? And is dressing intentionally bad better or worse than dressing unknowingly bad? And, am I or am I not unconventionally shallow?)

I kept nudging him, asking him questions about football, which I confess here – I knew most of the answers to already! - (my dad coached my football team when I was young, before I discovered art and kissed boydom goodbye). I was trying to coax Nick into putting an arm around me, holding my hand, something. He didn’t pick up. Or know all that much about football, as it turns out. (Not that I minded, I went along - he was too adorable, getting off on telling me all the rules, right or wrong, proud like he knew more than me – oh stop it, you know you do it too. If male stupidity wasn't adorable it would be the end of civilization.)

And it seems to me, now more than ever, that the true champions are honestly the ones who can make the best of things that come along and don’t dream their lives away.

Anyway. Blogging from work this morning so better keep it short before the boss gets back from coffee break. This morning’s big news was the French company Tele Matin is buying out TV Wow. They aren't saying anyone is in or out, but we all know enough not to dream ahead. Lisette (copy girl) is already on her way to fashion school.

I don’t know how to react. Honestly? I don't care. I was certainly never the little girl who dreamt of becoming a TV Listings editor (well what little girl does, honestly?).

Hell, here she comes...

Tonight at 19:30 on BBC One: Stacey's in for a double shock!

------------------------------------
Nine Rooms updates every Tuesday - Gina - Nick - Claire - Alan - Joey

Day of Reckoning

2006-08-15T01:15:00.000-07:00

If there’s anything more difficult than coming to terms with a failed relationship – that dark day when you realize, something I guess like you’ve had this cut of glass embedded deep in your skin so long you’ve gotten a bit comfortable with the pain of it, and pulling it out is going to hurt like you wouldn’t believe but you know the skin will never heal if you don’t just brace yourself and get on with it – it’s when the failed relationship is with your best friend. And if a boyfriend is like a cut of glass, well that is – I don’t know. Shrapnel or something. Lisette (from work) said the motto went, "chicks before dicks". I love Lisette! I just wish there were room for the two of us under her rock...

All this coming on the heels of not engaging Julie in eye contact as she passed me on her way out of Alan’s room this morning. First she swoops down on The Ex (are they even still living together, I wonder? Does he know about Alan? There is no way I could get this information without breaking character as the ex who is above it all). And now she can’t even look me in the eye when she comes over to see Alan (an ex...well let’s call him an ex-"what-was-I-thinking") Maybe I should take out an ad to warn all the exes to be on the lookout for a short cheeky brunette with falsies. I can’t help but think the sadder comment here is on me, for having ever looked up to her.

And then there is mild, dad-pants Nick. He always wears a belt. Jeans with a belt. Lisette says baggy jeans are a good sign. I asked if baggy jeans with a belt were a good sign and she frowned and asked if he wore sneakers or loafers or slippers or what (Doc Martins). Her eyes lit up with that which gave me pause. I got a visual of brushing past her in the hall and not making eye contact.

I want to know more about Nick, short of giving him the impression I’m interested. He’s attractive enough, well-off enough. If he had more of a baby face the Beatles haircut might even work. So why is he single at - well and how much older is he? Alan thinks he’s a joke (but well, consider the source). I don’t get the impression he gets on much better with Joey. But everything about him cancels everything else out – he has sexy arms (that is, when they're not obscured by some starched-out shirt his mum gave him for Christmas, which she must every year in the same three colors) – but then a little (no, a lot) too London Tower with the "drugs" policy. And I can’t help but wonder, if in that moment of youth when the decision was made, he had just said, "Screw the belt, I’m going to splurge on designer jeans!" if he wouldn’t be happily married with a teenager right now.

He invited me to the football match this Sunday...he was cleaning the oven, wearing an apron (an apron) and bright yellow rubber gloves as I was leaving for work when he asked me – the way he asked was, well - somewhere right in between asking me if the oven looked clean and asking me to dinner. Of course I had to accept – three hours of potentially awkward small-talk is better than the perpetual awkwardness of living with a snubbed landlord with a demonstrated proclivity toward sulking and zero-tolerance policies.

I’m doing my best to keep an open mind. My mum told me once that before the blind date on which she met my father she had sighed to her girlfriends, "At least I’ll get to wear my new dress."

Yellow Rubber Gloves.
------------------------------------
Nine Rooms updates every Tuesday - Gina - Nick - Claire - Alan - Joey

Keep It Down

2006-08-08T13:53:00.000-07:00

It's not the nicest thing hearing an ex-boyfriend having sex with your best friend who moved into the house you shared with someone else.

I'm not sure which bugs me more. Let's just lump it all together and say "reminders". These are reminders of things I could have done better. Things I should have known and a whole bunch of stuff I can't undo.

But really, maybe we need to look back before we can move on. Or maybe, just, there you go.

Nick's OK. He's a great cook. I don't let him know this of course because he'll sell the house to buy that Thai place. Over a meal we shared (don't ok?), I let him know that if he was back in the restaurant business he would miss being a landlord.

At least this way he can still cook for us and have the best of both worlds. He can't exactly charge rent to his diners.

"You'd be surprised," he said, "those business lunchers are pretty hard to shift on a Friday."
So a sense of humour and good in the kitchen.

Stop it. I know.

Just stop.
------------------------------------
Nine Rooms updates every Tuesday - Gina - Nick - Claire - Alan - Joey

You Can Pick Your Friends

2006-08-01T13:18:00.000-07:00

I spent most of the week seeing friends. If I'm honest with myself, I would say I'm doing the thing anyone does two months after a break up and that's the long and ugly battle to gain custody of the friends.

Gina's found this girl called Nancy who could be her sister, which means that Nancy's mother is her natural mother. She showed me a picture and there is a resemblance.

I hope she's going to be OK.
------------------------------------
Nine Rooms updates every Tuesday - Gina - Nick - Claire - Alan - Joey

"Are You Happy?"

2006-07-25T23:08:00.000-07:00

That's what the card said. In pink roses, my favourites. In his handwritten scrawl, all loops and typewriter a's. Not "I'm sorry", not "I love you", not "Missing you" - no. The man who jilts for my best friend me writes to ask me if I'm happy. Never seemed to bother before. Julie hasn't been in touch either, which to be honest bothers me slightly more, because I know what Stephen is like. He could charm the pants off anyone. God, my boss fancied him.

It was with this sympathy in mind that I called him. Julie answered the phone and I hung up. The bastard is still living with her. He was hedging his bets with the flowers.

Next thing I know I'm walking around the house with a bottle of wine looking for someone to drink it with on Saturday a three in the afternoon. Nine rooms can make you feel small.

Alan walked in right as soon as I opened the bottle. He seems to have a talent for timing. I was drinking two glasses of wine for each of his and poured my guts out even easier. He seemed easy to talk to as I told him the whole story of the break up. He was polite the whole time but a little uncomfortable. Why can't men deal with women crying?

It felt good to get things out in the open. They aren't a bad bunch of people in this house.

Anyway, another week. I need to get some fresh air.
------------------------------------
Nine Rooms updates every Tuesday - Gina - Nick - Claire - Alan - Joey

Whose Drugs Are They Anyway?

2006-07-18T04:39:00.000-07:00

Nick's a dick. He honestly is. Last week he was talking about the drugs he found. "Drugs". He said "drugs". It was about £15 worth of hash and he calls it "drugs". Like Interpol would in a press release. I've just from an excruciating house meeting where he tried to show that although he disapproved, he was still cool. Disapproving is not cool, especially when you refer to "drugs" as "Mary Jo". Joey cooked some brownies loaded with hash and Nick three of the things before walking off and telling me a Joey and Alan again how cool he was.

Gina was out. She thinks she has found someone who can tell her about her real mother. Even I feel guilty thinking of someone else as her mother. Her mum was such a kind person and more of a mother than probably mine or anyone's was.

The ex sent me a text message saying he hoped I was ok. That means he's not. I don't care. OK, I care enough to write that I don't care. But that's about it.
------------------------------------
Nine Rooms updates every Tuesday - Gina - Nick - Claire - Alan - Joey

Joey's Gone Native

2006-07-11T00:57:00.000-07:00

Joey has gone native or something, because now he has accused me of putting his shoes on Ebay. If anyone did it, it's Alan, but anyway. I'm going to ask Gina about her parent thing soon. She seems to be confiding a lot if Joey and I don't think that's right.

Alan found the best part of an eight of hash down the back of the sofa and asked if I knew whose it was. The way he asked was as if there could be no way it was mine. I said it could belong to Alan or Joey, at which point he smelled it like that might somehow make a difference.

Meanwhile, work is tedious, although better now that the World Cup is over. A couple of Italian guys in sales still have their flags up, which make them seem only marginally less attractive, but still much more than pasty English boys.
------------------------------------
Nine Rooms updates every Tuesday - Gina - Nick - Claire - Alan - Joey

Who Can It Be Knocking At My Door?

2006-07-04T01:04:00.000-07:00

I was sitting in my room on Sunday and there was a knock on the door and then someone turned the handle and tried to come in. I asked who it was and Joey's voice said "No, nothing, it's me. Everything's cool."

First of all, everything is not cool when you try to enter my room without announcing your business. Second, I was not asking how he was, I wanted to know what he wanted, but I heard him shuffling away.

He's odd. Not scary, but weird. His rant from in the tube on the day we moved in means he is capable of more outbursts and I'm surprised Gina gets on with him at all.

The next time I heard his voice I went out to talk to him, and he was letting someone into the house who was dressed like a rapper and talked like a raver. Nick was standing there in the hallway kitchen entrance waiting to be introduced, as if he had a god-given right to know who was coming over.

When I did eventually talk to Joey, he said he thought I had his shoes. When I asked why he said "You know, because of the whole Gina thing."

By some fucked up idea, he thinks that I took his shoes because he is friends with Gina. I don't know what the "Gina thing" means either, and I don't want to ask her because I'm giving her some space, but I do know that Joey has entered some weird universe where people steal from each other to prove a point. It's like having my brother back again.

------------------------------------
Nine Rooms updates every Tuesday - Gina - Nick - Claire - Alan - Joey

Julie Is A Whore

2006-06-26T23:08:00.000-07:00

Note from the ex which says he's a mess without me. He was a mess when I was with him. Also, this is another fucking lie because he wrote it when I was technically still with him. Even though he didn't behave like we were together.

Oh,,and he apologised about Julie, who if you remember sent me a sympathy break-up email when I moved in, asking for my new address. Actually, it was sent before I moved in. Actually, I didn't tell her I was moving out.

I guess he figured Julie had already told me about them when I moved out, which is why he put that in the note. Looks like we both overestimated Julie's morals. Great fucking start to their relationship. I thought about mailing Wayne, but what good would it do me. He'll find out soon enough and when he does I hope he goes to work on Stephen with a crowbar.

Speaking of exes, but a totally different kind, Alan shares the house, but that was a long time ago and we're both totally cool. This is going back three years and neither of us has mentioned it. It was like a two months thing that never got serious. Fun though. And yes, very.

Here's a coincidence: the guy on the tube train hatbox incident from last week turns out to be Joey, who, it turns out is quiet and weird. Quiet and weird + occasional rants = Nutcase. I told Gina this and she seems a little concerned, but she is too quick to trust people anyway.

For example, the other day Gina called me her best friend. That's very sweet, but there was a pause after she said it, and I told her I was glad she was here and "sorting herself out". I threw in "herself" because I hope she doesn't get all clingy. I mean her mum died and I can't imagine how that must feel, but having a best friend is a big deal, and to be fair, she's nice, but she can be a little overbearing. Having someone who thinks they are your best friend living with you could get a little much. I hope she finds a boyfriend or something. She doesn't seem to hurried to find work, so I guess her mum left her some money and she's over here chasing her parents and I bet I'm going to be the one she comes crying to when she can't find them. I think she got the message, but I'm not sure. I mean, I was a little clingy to her when I was in New York, but that's because I was away from home, but that doesn't mean that's the kind of person I am.

Nick cooked a Thai meal, saying it was good for Gina to have a traditional East End meal. This is strange because I didn't think there was much of a Thai community in this part of London, and also because none of us are from this side of town. The food was amazing, but the set-up it was all a bit too Peter's Friends for me. At least people made the effort, I guess, apart from Joey who wore a Radiohead t-shirt and no shoes. He left the table feeling sick at the end of the meal, but later stayed up with Gina and Alan while I sneaked off to write this and do a bit of Ebay browsing.
------------------------------------
Nine Rooms updates every Tuesday - Gina - Nick - Claire - Alan - Joey

The Move

2006-06-21T18:32:00.000-07:00

I have just moved out of my flat having broken up with my boyfriend of two years because he did something stupid. I took the tube from Herne Hill to Bethnal Green to the house I now share with a bunch of other people in various stages of indecision. Stephen, henceforth referred to as "the ex", (although hopefully hardly mentioned at all) brought the rest of my things in the car. Serves the bastard right, although thinking about it, he should have been the one crammed in a the tube, given the unpleasantness of the journey. Why can't London Underground get their act together???

This knobhead guy stumbled over a woman's hat boxes and then started having a go, like the boxes had just assaulted him or something. He probably made the woman feel awful. Why can't people just be more tolerant? They're fucking idiots, the lot of them. The tube is the only way some Londoners can get around.

The ex got there before I did so he unloaded my stuff and left it with Gina, who lives in the house. He also left a note, but I haven't read it yet, because I'm trying to make a clean break.

The house is massive - it's got nine rooms. Nine rooms! Who in London has nine rooms?!? It belongs to this guy called Nick. It's his mum's place actually, but she is divorced and lives with someone else. Spain or somewhere.

Gina's cool, which stands to reason because her mum was this amazing woman who ran charities. I used to work for one of them, helping children of drug addicts, when I spent six months in the LA on a student visa thing.

Gina's mum died a couple of months ago and Gina wanted to come over to London. She's been through a lot recently, but she needs a full time squeeze and I'm not much of a squeezer. I heard through a couple of people at the charity that a lot has happened to her is a short space of time, but it's not my place to say. Not in a blog at least.

Anyway, got to go and unpack. I was putting it off because I wanted to check my email on Nick's computer for sympathy breakup messages. Thanks to Julie and Sam, I love you! I didn't think this first entry was going to be so confessional. Hopefully this won't turn into that kind of a blog, but we'll have to see.

Wish me luck.
------------------------------------
Nine Rooms - Gina - Nick - Claire - Alan - Joey